Once upon a time, there was a boy named Evan, and he was a Homestuck. Boy, he sure did love Homestuck! He loved the characters, their interactions, the sheer emotion.
Then, one day, he thought up a brilliant plan: at first, it was called, THE BRILLIANT PLAN. Why was it brilliant? Because it would collectively shatter the hearts of hundreds! And that, all along, through all his Homestuck days, was his evil plan.
But how would he accomplish this? Go for the seemingly distraught Eridan, whose emotions toy with the hearts of
few many? Or the crybaby Karkat, who seems to pour tears at every corner?
No, he said to himself. They’re not good enough.
He went straight for the kill instead. John, he chose, the dorky kid. And his best bro, always cool, Dave Strider. Dave Strider, the emotional mess on the inside, the wrenched gut, the feelings.
It was perfect.
He formulated a plan, spanning many chapters. He knew his audience. He knew who he wanted to shatter. And it was only time to put THE BRILLIANT PLAN into motion. But, he couldn’t name it that, could he?
So he thought longer. He analyzed the outline of his plan, thinking what title he could disguise this evil heartbreak story with. And it came to him.
A Very Important Day, he named it. It gave off good feelings, as an important day usually gives off the vibe of a happy day. The disguise was flawless.
And then he wrote. Soon, he gathered a following, DaveJohn fans uniting over this story. They writhed, begging him for more, although at the same time hating him for their heart-related pains.
There came a time when Evan wrote the fourteenth chapter of his plan. Everyone cheered, the DaveJohn fans on the edge of the seat, repeating “Disneyland, Disneyland, Disneyland.” He planned for this. He planned to make their hearts swell, to bring the pairing they adored to a happy point, to make it seem like all was well.
And then there was chapter fifteen. A collective shatter was heard among the crowd. There was silence for a while. And then uproar.
While the fans tried to mend their damaged hearts, Evan clouded the glee he felt from such mass destruction with heartfelt “:(“s and “I’m sorry”s.
But with every “we hate you Evan”, his urge for Sadstuck grew larger.
And eventually, Evan became knows as the DaveJohn “Fuck You *Sobbing*” Heart Destroyer.